Why You Can't Save Your Child

on learning their story isn’t yours to write

The road to redemption isn’t always straight.

I talk to a lot of moms of teens and adult children who are worried about their kids. And I get it, not because I’m the mom of an adult child, but because I was an adult child who was lost.

When I was young, I didn’t just wander; I was lost. I believed in past lives. I used divination to write stories.

When I was young, I didn’t know Jesus. I had over seventy-five boyfriends before I turned 25. I wanted to kill myself more than once.

A pastor once told me I was demonized.

When I was a teenager in Catholic school, I thought I wasn’t good enough for God to love. My theology back then was simple and devastating: you had to be perfect to be saved, and I was not perfect. (Romans 3:23–24; Ephesians 2:8–9)

But regardless of my lack of understanding and faith, grace was already at the wheel, charting turns I didn’t yet understand. At twenty-seven, behind the wheel of a limousine in Portland, Oregon, I finally met the One who’d been driving all along. And everything changed in one amazing moment!

For parents of prodigals, take heart, your child has a relationship with God that is not yours to manage or worry about. (Philippians 4:6–7)

He is actively, omnisciently, omnipotently, and mercifully involved in your child’s life. (Psalm 139:7–10; Philippians 1:6) His sovereignty, faithfulness, and love make that certain. You are not their Savior; He is, and He does His work perfectly. (John 6:44; Isaiah 46:10)

It is their task to live their faith story. (Philippians 2:12–13) You do not know when they will come to Jesus. (Ecclesiastes 3:11; John 3:8)

I didn’t change my name to Christian until I was 27. Another didn’t until 57.
Another, on her deathbed. (Luke 23:42–43)

You can’t write your child’s story any more than you can control your own future. (Proverbs 16:9; James 4:13–15)

Let them walk their faith walk with the hope, love, and kindness of a parent who trusts not only them but God to do what He will do when He does it. (1 Corinthians 13:7; Romans 8:28)

Do not be anxious about anything, not even the salvation of your child, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6–7) Entrust your children to the One who so loved them that He gave His only Son for them. (John 3:16)

For your ways are not His ways, and His ways are perfect. (Isaiah 55:8–9; Psalm 18:30) Anxiety fears that this isn’t altogether true, and in its doubt, tries to manufacture its own rescue, imposing control on another soul whose story is already written. (Psalm 139:16; Matthew 6:34)

Peace belongs to those who trust not only in His love but also in His timing. (Isaiah 26:3; 2 Peter 3:9)

Following is A Prayer for the Christian Parent, written using the words of scripture:

Father, thank that it is by grace they will be saved through faith, and this is not from me, it is your gift; it is not from my works, or theirs, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8–9) Where can my child go to escape your spirit? Where can they flee to escape your presence? If they were to ascend to heaven, you would be there. If they were to sprawl out in Sheol, there you would be. If they were to fly away on the wings of the dawn, and settle down on the other side of the sea, even there your hand would guide them, your right hand would grab hold of them. (Psalm 139:7–10)

I know that no one comes to Jesus unless the Father draws them, and You will raise them up at the last day. (John 6:44)

So I entrust them to You, believing that it is You who works in them both to will and to act according to Your good purpose. (Philippians 2:12–13)

You have made everything fit beautifully in its appropriate time, but You have also placed ignorance in the human heart so that we cannot discover what You have ordained, from the beginning to the end of their lives. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) My child may plan their course, but You direct their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

I know that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7) And that you work together all things together for good for those who love You, who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Your eyes saw them inside the womb. All the days ordained for them were recorded in your scroll before one of them came into existence. (Psalm 139:16) So then, I will not worry about their tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

You are not slow concerning Your promise, as some regard slowness, but You are being patient toward them, because You do not wish for them to perish but for all to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)

Keep them completely safe as I maintain my faith, for I trust in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

Amen.

So take heart, weary parent. God is not waiting for your child to find Him. He is already there, tracing the edges of their story with mercy. The same grace that found you and me is more than able to reach them, too.

I am proof that no one is too far gone. If I could hear the shepherd’s voice, all of His sheep can. And as Michael is fond of saying: Not everything is reversible, but everything is redeemable.