Fruitful Discussion Guide
9-Week companion to Fruitful, Cultivating a Love Only God Can Produce Coming out January 23rd, 2026! Happy Birthday to me!!
Table of Contents (click the week you want to see)
Week One - Love
Week Two - Joy
Week Three - Peace
Week Four - Patience
Week Five - Kindness
Week Six - Goodness
Week Seven - Faithfulness
Week Eight - Gentleness
Week Nine - Self-control
FRUITFUL: Week One — Love
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part:
What stood out to you most from this chapter—an idea, a
phrase, or a moment that felt personally convicting or freeing?
2. Love as Fruit, Not Feeling:
The book says love isn’t a feeling we manufacture but a fruit
the Spirit grows. How does that reframe how you think about
loving difficult people?
3. The Opposite of Love:
Hayley says the opposite of love is selfishness. Why do you
think that is the best opposite or do you think there is another?
4. The Source of Love:
Do you think love requires self-love first? If so, discuss what
verse confirms that. If not, what verse confirms self-love isn’t the
source of love?
5. God’s love:
Is God’s love unconditional? (Read Romans 5:8; Ephesians
2:4–5;1 John 4:9–10) Discuss unconditional love.
6. True love:
Is love that is not produced by the Holy Spirit the same kind
1of love or a different kind?
7. Love and Your Body:
In what ways might love interrupt our fight-or-flight cycle?
8. Anxiety vs. Love:
Hayley said that God’s love doesn’t just overflow from you,
it restores you. In what ways might that be true? What about love
is restorative?
9. Practice Makes Fruit:
What are expressions of the fruit of the Spirit, love? (Read 1
Corinthians 13:4-7 for ideas)
Group Challenge:
Where is God inviting you to choose love this week, not in
your own strength but in participation with the Spirit’s work in
you?
FRUITFUL: Week Two — Joy
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
What was your favorite part of this chapter, and why do you
think it stood out to you?
2. Let’s be honest:
How fluent are you in complaint? What are your go-to topics for
complaint?
3. Joy vs Complaint:
Why do you think complaint feels so natural while joy feels like
work?
4. Hoarding Joy:
The chapter says you can be joyful on the inside but feed others
discontent. Have you ever done that, felt happy, but made the
room heavy?
5. Joy in Suffering:
Can you name a time you had real joy even when you weren’t
happy? What made that possible?
6. Grumbling or Praising:
The book says you can’t grumble and praise God at the same
time. What happens to our view of God when complaint becomes
our default conversation mode? What kind of witness is
complaint?
7. The Definition of Joy
Joy is described as “the verbal expression of thanksgiving.” (See 1
Thessalonians 5:16-18; Philippians 4:4-6) Why do you think God
ties joy so closely to our words?
8. Perspective
The chapter says joy isn’t about pretending life is easy but about
“remembering.” What does that mean?
9. Joy in Sorrow
Hayley writes that joy grows in the soil of sorrow. How might
God use sorrow as part of His process to make joy real instead of
shallow? (See James 1:2-4)
10. Holy Optimism
Hayley said God is not a pessimist. Would you agree? Is he a
realist? How does that confirm or reject His sovereign power?
Group Challenge: This week, trade one complaint for
thanksgiving. Every time you catch yourself grumbling—about
anything—pause and turn it into a sentence of gratitude to God.
Then notice what shifts, not just in your words, but in how you
think about Him.
FRUITFUL: Week Three — Peace
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
What was your favorite part of this chapter, and why?
2. Fantastic Peace
Vocabulary.com says, “Peace is a stress-free state of security
and calmness that comes when there’s no fighting or war,
everything coexisting in perfect harmony and freedom.” Is that
Biblical? If not, why not? (See John 14:27; Philippians 4:6-7)
3. Control and Peace
What do control and peace have to do with one another?
What should they have to do with one another?
4. Peace as a Person
What do you think of the idea that peace isn’t a feeling or a
reward but a Person? (See Ephesians 2:14; John 16:33) How does
that change the way you talk about “finding” peace?
5. Acceptance over Escape
Hayley writes that “peace in this life comes from your
acceptance of suffering, not your exemption from it.” How do you
feel about that? Peaceful? Or stressed? Discuss.
6. The Outlook of the Spirit
Paul ties peace to what the mind is set on.(see Romans 8:6)
If that’s true, why do anxious thoughts feel louder than peaceful
ones even when we’re trying to focus on God?
7. The Vine and the Branches
In what ways do you try to manufacture peace in your life?
Knowing the true Source of true peace, what are some
alternatives?
8. Winning vs. Losing
The chapter says peace grows when you’re willing to lose.
How does that mirror the way God displayed power through the
cross? (See Philippians 2:5–8:Colossians 1:19–20; 1 Corinthians
1:18, 25)
9. The Peaceful Spirit
Hayley says the Holy Spirit’s voice is never anxious. So why
do anxious thoughts sound so convincing?
10. Unforgiveness vs. Peace
“In a head-to-head battle between peace and an unforgiving
heart, the unforgiving heart wins.” Why do you think
unforgiveness is so sticky and hard to let go of? Which would you
rather be? Right or peaceful? How can you go from always
needing to be right to peace?
Group Challenge
This week, when anxiety or irritation rises, resist the urge to
fix it. Instead, pause and say aloud: “Jesus Himself is my peace.”
Notice how that single act of agreement, acknowledging His
presence instead of your pressure, reshapes the moment.
FRUITFUL: Week Four — Patience
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
Was there a quote that you underlined and have continued
to think about?
2. Are you Irritated?
Hayley is pretty insistent that the opposite of patience is
irritation. Would you agree? Why or why not?
3. Control in Disguise
Patience and control don’t always get along. What do they
have against each other?
4. The Opposite List
Here are some more opposites of patience: frustration,
impatience, nervousness, agitation, boredom, annoyance,
restlessness, scorn, cutting humor, and anger. Discuss how each
one could be a manifestation of a lack of patience.
5. The Irritation Test
If patience is born in frustration, not calm, what does that
say about how God trains His children? (See Romans 5:3–4;
Hebrews 12:10–11)
6. The Anger Link
Why does impatience so quickly turn into anger? What are
we really protecting when we explode?
7. The “Fix It” Reflex
If you had perfect trust in God’s process, what would stop
feeling urgent?
8. The Impossible Fruit
“The easiest way to have patience is to be in control of everything
and to have everything go exactly as planned.” If that is true, then how
is patience even possible?
9. Impatience with People
What does hope have to do with patience? (See Romans
8:24–25; Psalm 130:5; 1 Thessalonians 1:3)
10. Patience and Power
In the book we read, “Pessimism chafes against the will. It
pushes patience deep down, where it can’t be seen or heard,
smothered by doubt and delay. But pessimism isn’t a life
sentence.” What do you think about this idea? Are you a
pessimist? If not, how does your explanatory style (Pessimist,
optimist, realist) affect your patience?
Group Challenge
This week, when you catch yourself rushing God, say aloud:
“You’re not slow; I’m impatient.” Then ask Him to show you
what He’s protecting or preparing that haste would destroy.
FRUITFUL: Week Five — Kindness
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
Was there a line or story from this chapter that stuck with
you, or rubbed you the wrong way, in a way you can’t stop
thinking about?
2. The Real Opposite
“In order to be kind, we have to recognize what stops
kindness—scorekeeping: the measuring of every wrong and
every right to make sure no one gets more than they’ve actually
earned.” What do you think about scorekeeping and kindness?
3. Define Kindness
The list of more opposites of kindness includes: disdain,
condescension, mercilessness, arrogance, disgust, disapproval,
meanness, and inflexibility. Discuss these and their relationship to
unkindness.
3. Selective Kindness
Why do we find it easy to be kind to strangers but hard to
stay kind to the people closest to us?
4. Kindness as Silence
The book said that the first act of kindness is often silence.
Why would silence be a kindness? (See Proverbs 17:27–28; James
1:19; Job 2:13)
5. Unfairness
Why does kindness feel unfair when someone hasn’t earned
it? What does fairness have to do with kindness? (See Luke 6:35–
36; Romans 2:4; Matthew 20:1–16.)
6. Unkindness in Disguise
Is it ever kind to attempt to change someone? Whose job is
change? (See Philippians 1:6; 2 Corinthians 3:18; 1 Corinthians
3:6–7)
7. Kindness and Grace
Hayley said that kindness is another word for grace. How
does that change your interpretation of kindness?
8. Giving Up
“Real kindness means refusing to treat someone as they
deserve.” How does that thought make you feel? How can you be
kind when you are holding a grudge?
9. Negative Faith
In this chapter, we read that negative faith is faith that the
worst is a more probable outcome than the best. What do you
think about this idea of negative faith?
10. The Mirror Test
The book talked about the power of an apology. Why does
apologizing quickly feel unsafe? What does it do to a relationship
when you apologize? How do you feel when others apologize to
you? (See James 5:16; Proverbs 28:13; Matthew 5:23–24)
Group Challenge
This week, show kindness to someone who doesn’t
“deserve” it, and don’t announce it. Let the act stay hidden,
between you and God. Then notice what shifts in you: relief,
resentment, or something holy breaking open.
FRUITFUL: Week Six — Goodness
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
What part of this chapter caught your attention or
challenged your thoughts on goodness?
2. Growing Goodness
“Goodness may be the most outward-facing of all the
fruit. . .Goodness that remains unexpressed fails its purpose; true
goodness, empowered by the Spirit, naturally nourishes others.”
What do you think of this notion? (See Matthew 5:16; James 2:17)
3. Moral Excellence
Some would say goodness refers to our moral excellence.
But Hayley says, “the fruit of the Spirit always involves
movement into the lives of others.” If goodness isn’t about being
good but about doing good, what happens to faith that stays
private?
4. Self-Interest
Hayley writes that self-interest, the opposite of goodness,
hides in two ways: by refusing to act or by acting but for self-
promotion. (See James 4:17; 1 Corinthians 13:3) What does Spirit-
led action look like in contrast?
5. Frugal Fear
Hayley said that her thriftiness has subconsciously taught
her that generosity is dangerous. What do you think about the
relationship between frugality and fear?
6. Admonishment as Goodness
What do you think of admonishment being a part of
goodness? How can we admonish in the power of the Spirit
instead of the flesh, based on all of the fruit we’ve talked about so
far? (See Galatians 6:1; Colossians 3:16; Romans 15:14)
7. The Messy House
Hayley admits that the hardest part of hospitality is her
mess. How does the need to appear put-together keep us from
genuine goodness?
8. Judging the World
How does judging non-believers keep us from practicing the
fruit of the Spirit, goodness? (See 1 Corinthians 5:12–13; Romans
2:1–4; James 4:11–12.)
9. Open Hands
“Goodness requires us to unclench our fists. It asks us to
trust the Giver more than the gift.” What’s one area where tight-
fistedness masquerades as faithfulness?
10. The Overflow of the Spirit
Hayley ends by saying goodness is “the generous release of
love and care that flows freely, unafraid of the cost.” What might
it cost us to live that openhandedly, and what might we gain?
Group Challenge
This week, give something away that costs you time,
comfort, or control, and ask God to reveal what part of you
wanted to keep it.
FRUITFUL: Week Seven — Faithfulness
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
What part of this chapter stuck with you the most? Why do
you think it lingered?
2. Respectable Sins
Why would you say faithfulness is one of the least
respectable sins in ourselves?
3. The Enemy of Faithfulness
Hayley calls self-preservation the ultimate enemy of
faithfulness. Would you agree or disagree? If you disagree, what
would you call the ultimate enemy or opposite of faithfulness?
Dishonesty, inconsistency, hypocrisy, deception, insincerity,
commitment-phobia, unreliability, betrayal, treachery, infidelity,
and adultery?
4. Self-Preservation’s Mask
Hayley writes that faithfulness is love in motion. What about
faithfulness fulfills love? (See 1 Corinthians 13:7; Proverbs 3:3–4;
Lamentations 3:22–23)
5. Light or Cover-Up
The TV Show Traitors involves a few ‘traitors’ tricking their
teammates to win the cash prize. If you were on the show, would
you be a faithful or a traitor, and why?
6. Small Lies, Big Damage
The book says even a small exaggeration is a step toward
untrustworthiness. Would you agree or disagree, and why? (See
Proverbs 12:22; Matthew 5:37; Ephesians 4:25)
7. One Life, Not Two
Faithfulness, Hayley says, means living one life, not two.
Where are Christians most tempted to divide faith from daily life
—and why does that fracture feel so normal?
8. The Opposite Fruit
If the opposite of faithfulness is self-preservation, what
happens to trust—both human and divine—when self-
preservation wins?
9. The Safe Haven
One of the most subtle forms of self-preservation is self-
deception. This includes believing your words are harmless, lying
to protect your image, being inconsistent, or unreliable. If the
Spirit’s fruit is faithfulness, what does it reveal about our trust in
God when we edit the truth to control the outcome?
10. Unfaithfulness to God
The chapter ends, “Faithfulness is about not cheating on God
with our own self-preservation.” If faithfulness is trusting God to
protect you, how might self-protection be the modern form of
cheating on Him?
Group Challenge
This week, keep one promise that costs you comfort. Don’t
announce it. Don’t explain it. Just follow through, and let the
quiet act itself become worship.
FRUITFUL: Week Eight — Gentleness
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
Which moment or metaphor from this chapter hit you
hardest, and why do you think it did?
2. Meekness Isn’t Weakness
Gentleness is another word for meekness. How did this
chapter change your opinion on meekness?
3. Power Under Control
Gentleness, in Greek, is strength redirected. Why does
surrender feel weaker than self-assertion, even when Jesus calls it
the stronger way?
4. The Opposite Fruit
If the opposite of gentleness is self-importance, how do our
smallest reactions—interrupting, correcting, rushing—reveal the
belief that we’re more important than we are?
5. Manhandling Souls
“Gentleness is really the practice of restraint, discretion, and
respect. It releases the tight grip we so often keep on other
people’s lives—their choices, emotions, and even their growth—
and recognizes that those are their tasks, not ours.” What do you
think about the idea that these are God’s tasks and not yours?
(See Philippians 1:6; 2 Timothy 2:24–25; Romans 14:4)
6. Perfectionism vs. Grace
How do these words sit with you? “Perfectionism doesn’t
know what to do with grace. It keeps striving to earn what God
already gave.”
7. The Easygoing Test
Being “easygoing” isn’t passivity; it’s trust. Where does our
need for control make us hard to get along with, and what does it
mean to let God be the one in charge of outcomes?
8. Slow Down
Hayley writes that rushing is “living in reaction mode.”
What do you think happens to your spiritual life when hurry
becomes your default?
9. Willing to Be Wrong
Why is saying I was wrong so hard for people who love
being right “for the right reasons”? What kind of strength does
confession require?
10. Gentleness as Power
If gentleness is “the power to lay down your weapons,”
what weapon of pride or self-interest do you still reach for most
often, and what might happen if you put it down?
Group Challenge
This week, pause before you correct, fix, or react. Ask, “What
would gentleness look like right now?” Then do that, slowly,
quietly, even if no one notices.
FRUITFUL: Week Nine — Self-Control
Discussion Guide
1. Favorite Part
Which image from this chapter stuck with you—the dog on
the leash, the horse and driver, or something else—and why?
2. The Two Selves
Hayley describes two types of self-indulgence: giving into
cravings and rigid willpower as the things that keep the self in
charge. What do you think of this idea?
3. The Source Swap
“The mastery of self comes from the Spirit, not the self.”
Why do we still keep handing the reins back to the self after
promising to give them to God?
4. The Opposite Fruit
If true self-control means surrender, what part of your life
are you still trying to manage yourself, and how’s that working?
3. The Two Counterfeits
Hayley points out that indulgence and rigid willpower “look
different but share the same root.” Which one do you lean
toward, and what does that tell you about how you define
control?
4. The Horse, the Driver, and the King
In Hayley’s metaphor, the horse represents impulse, the
driver represents reason, and the King represents the Spirit.
Which one has had the reins this week, and what happened
because of it?
5. The Self as Idol
Why do you think it’s easier to obsess over improving
yourself than to surrender yourself? What do we lose when we
treat spiritual growth like a self-help project?
6. The Freedom Paradox
Indulgence says “yes,” and willpower says “no.” What does
surrender say, and why might that lead to liberty? (See Matthew
16:24–25; Galatians 5:1)
7. Worship as Self-Control
The book says, “Self-control is an act of worship.” What
might it look like to worship in the moment you’re most tempted
to self-soothe or self-promote?
8. Presence, Not Performance
Hayley ends by saying, “Self-control becomes freedom when
it’s no longer about performance but about presence.” What does
it mean for you to practice presence instead of performance?
Group Challenge
When you feel pulled by craving, control, or self-criticism,
pause and pray: “Spirit, I can’t. You can.” Then let the next breath
remind you who’s holding the reins.