When the Fruit Doesn’t Match the Tree
audio sample of the new book
I’m sharing this excerpt of Fruitful, the audiobook, because the audio is nearing completion, and this section captures the heart of the book.
Also, as Fruitful moves toward its February launch, I’m gathering an Advanced Reader Team of people who want to read early, with a free digital copy of the book, which I’ll talk about more at the end of this post.
The Opposite of Love (transcript of the audio)
It’s hard to admit, but I had confused self-protection for love. I wasn’t being cruel, I was just focused on what I needed. But the more I’ve sat with God’s Word, the more I’ve realized: love looks outward, not inward. And I want that kind of love to grow in me.
That’s when it hit me: the opposite of love isn’t hate, as I’d always thought. Hate is obvious; love’s true opposite is subtle. It can look tender, sound affectionate, even feel passionate, but its motive is self. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s selfishness.
As I looked at my life, I started to see selfish patterns. What I had called “self-preservation” was often just self-priority in disguise. I pulled inward, guarded my comfort, and justified my distance from people as wisdom. Some of those habits had once helped me survive, but they weren’t helping me love. So, I asked the Spirit to show me a new way.
Then I did what I do best: I wrote. I took the love passage from the Bible and spread it all over myself like mayo on rye; messy but revealing. As I began putting Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians 13 into my own, they started showing me layers of selfishness I didn’t know were there. See if they do the same for you. Read the passage in your Bible first, then take a look at my version.
If my house is immaculate, but have not love, I am a sounding car alarm that won’t shut off. And if I have the ability to do it better than anyone else, and so I just do it myself, and if I have the bargaining skills to get the lowest possible prices, but have not love, I am useless. If I upcycle all of our old furniture, and sell all of my used clothes at consignment, and if I give up all of my addictions, but have not love, I’ve gained nothing.
Love is patient with stupid people and kind to those who don’t deserve it;
love does not want what it doesn’t have, or brag about what it does;
it is not bossy or blunt.
It does not insist on being in control;
It’s not irritable when interrupted or resentful of having too much to do and not enough time to do it;
it does not feel happy when other people prove themselves inferior,
but rejoices when they do it better.
Love bears all messes, accepts all apologies, hopes all change is possible, endures all disrespect and rejection.
Love never ends. As for immaculate houses, they will crumble; as for the ability to do it better than everyone else, dementia; as for getting the best deal, scam artists. For we know today’s BOGO, and we know how to clean a house in part, but when the eternal home comes, the temporary one will pass away. When I was a teenager, I, like, spoke like a teenager, I, like, thought like a teenager, I, like, was superior like a teenager. When I became a woman, I saw how little I knew before. Even now, we proclaim wisdom over beauty, but then we will see how little we know now. Now I know a good bit; then I shall know it all, even as I have been known completely.
So now faith, hope, and love last forever, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I hope those examples didn’t just convict you, but give you clarity. That’s what they gave me. Clarity to see where my love had been more about me than anyone else. And wouldn’t you know it? My natural response was more selfishness. I became demoralized by how badly I’d gotten it wrong.
Sometimes, realizing how wrong you’ve been doesn’t lead to change so much as it leads to heaviness. But the Spirit doesn’t bring things into the light to shame us. He does it to make room for freedom.
I’m starting to see that even my attempts to fix myself can quietly keep me at the center. And that maybe what’s needed here isn’t improvement, but attention turned somewhere else.
Ok, so I’m opening a small group of Advanced Readers for Fruitful ahead of the February launch. I’ll send a free digital copy of the book to the first 10 who respond.
If you’re open to leaving an honest Amazon review after reading, you can reply to this email and let me know. I’ll follow up with details.