why is it worth it?

I've been contemplating ending my life for a few years now, but lately things have been bad. I think the world is such an awful, cruel place. and I don't want to be alive and be a part of that. I am nowhere near a perfect christian. infact, these last few weeks I have been under major attack, and have been questioning whether I should still call myself a christian. I haven't had an easy life, its been struggle after struggle with me. but I thought the god I believe in would maybe just give me a break, or one good thing to hold onto and to keep me happy. JUST ONE. but it hasn't happened. I have goals for myself, but when I sit back and look at them, I always find myself asking, is it worth it? are the constant struggles, constant heart breaks, constant let downs, are they worth it? my answer is no. if you could just give me words of encouragement, I need them more now then ever. if not, at this point.. that's what I expect. and please pray for me.

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Comment by Angel Karin Jean Metcalf on January 9, 2013 at 10:13pm: Hey guys, I haven't been on this website in a while. I actually forgot about it, but for some reason I had a feeling that I should check it. I am very happy to say that with numerous ups and downs in my life since this post, I feel good right now. Reading through all of your comments was very helpful, and I appreciate them more then words could describe. Unfortunately, I am still too stubborn to set a specific time apart in my day, to spend alone with God. I can say I have thought about it, and I know it's something I definitely want to, and need to do. Thank you for your prayers, and thank you for taking the time to respond to this. You have all helped my night get a little bit better :)

I am not giving up though, that is no longer an option for me. I try not to give up in the little things I do, so why give in to my selfish thoughts and give up on life? I know that I was made to be something great, and I see that in myself a little more each day. I am graduating high school in a few days, I just got a new job, I am no longer homeless, and I am back on a different depression medication that seems to be helping more. I do occasionally pray, but unfortunately, it's usually when I need something from God. That is something I want to change though. I will try the website that was linked in here, and I have looked at a few of things from youtube. My mind is kind of all over right now, if you couldn't tell from my writing. I'm sorry. Haha. But rest assured that what you said did have an impact. And I can always look back to this when I get discouraged. Thank you again <3

Comment by Danielle Du Plessis on November 4, 2012 at 12:43am: I agree with Sophie. You can and will get through this. God only disciplines his children as your heavenly parents would. Trials are tough for us all...but its just Gods way of bringing you closer to him; even though you may not fathom to believe that right now. These trials can and will only bring you closer to God. Keep praying; be relentless in your prayer and when you want to give up; when you feel like all hopes gone, think of Job. The more he prayed, it seemed like things were getting worse( and I feel that way to sometimes, when I continuously pray) but God allows these trials and tests to prove to Satan we are Gods children and Satan can never take that away from you. Hang in there, pray everyday and most importantly HOPE. Hope in the Lord and he will restore you:-). Love Danielle

Comment by Sophie Geytenbeek on October 25, 2012 at 12:29am: God will never give us more than we can handle, that is for sure. But you can only do this with God, he doesn't forget about people, he is everywhere and knows everything, every thought, every place, every word every experience and encounter anyone has ever had and will have in their entire life. He will not abandon you, ask him for strength. Ask and you will receive, but be persistent in your prayer .I will pray for you too.

Comment by Leorah on October 24, 2012 at 10:20pm: Okay so first of all, please know I will be praying for you. And please listen to this song - http://www.godgirl.com/group/the-happiness-project/forum/topics/the...

Now, I just about broke down in tears as I read this. Because what you are going through is exactly what I have gone through and it is the worse feeling in the world.

I hated myself. I felt stupid. I felt like everyone was judging me. I felt useless. I felt like I would never be good enough. I felt ugly. I felt like I would let my parents down. I felt like people would always pity me. I felt awful and as I said SO many times before, wished I had never been born. In fact, I think the only thing that kept me from considering ending my life was the fact that my Aunt committed suicide on Christmas one year and it broke my family apart. We have never been the same since.

I felt like my life was one big joke for just SUCH A LONG TIME. The worse part were those days when I thought things were finally getting better. I would get really passionate and excited about something and everything would be so great but then...then I sat back and thought of how far it was. And how many obstacles it would take to reach it. And than all my weaknesses came into mind and I fell flat on my face again. Why wasn't God doing anything?!?!

The story of how I got from that place in my life to where I am now is a long one - too long to write all out - but here are some of the things I did to help me. PLEASE take them serious because I don't know where I would be without them.

1) I got busy. I didn't give myself time to think those negative self sabotaging thoughts. Your mind is like your computer - you know you haven't been active when your screen saver pops up. The goal here is to never let that screen saver pop up in your mind. STAY ACTIVE! Try this for at least a day. Whenever you sit back and start feeling back about yourself, get up and do something. Clean your room, do your home work, help out around the house, make dinner or make desert if you are like me and find it more enjoyable. Just GET ACTIVE!

2) Check out this amazing website I use go to every morning - 750words.com The website explains it all but basically, it is a site that helps you clear your head. I use is as I said, every morning and absolutely LOVE it! In fact, I wrote a blog post a couple days ago about it. It should be uploading in a few days so you might want to check it out.

3) Watch this and if you have netflix, go and watch the whole movie on it, okay? - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdtqLNeK6Ww

These are the best tips I have for you to get out of that state of depression. As you said, you REALLY need to find something you are passionate about and to keep you happy and know YOU WILL FIND THAT THING. You just need to stay positive. I wrote a blog post about why it is so important to stay positive. Here is the link - http://www.godgirl.com/profiles/blogs/thinking-positive-lifes-candy...

On top of these things, TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH. Okay? Get plenty of sleep. Exercise. Drink plenty of water. Eat healthily. Because all of these things are important and can add and take away stress.

I am praying for you and please, don't be afraid to write me. Okay? I know what you are going through and want to help you get out of that rut because it is not a pretty place. ♥

Comment by Hannah Marie DeForrest on October 21, 2012 at 6:43am: I have been feeling the same way! I have been under attack for three months now! I realized that it would affect tons of people if I ended my life. Being under attack is hard, but God will bring you through it!

Comment by Rachelle Aubrey on October 20, 2012 at 8:34pm: Angel, God sends trials into our lives to grow our trust and faith in Him. I haven't exactly had an easy life since I became a Christian. In fact, it's promised us Christians that we wouldn't have an easy life. And if you have goals, we have to go through tough times to humble ourselves and succeed. And if we give up, we WON'T get anywhere in life.

So my answer is........Yes, it is worth it.

<3Rachelle

Comment by Lisi on October 20, 2012 at 11:14am: Maybe these videos will help you. I don't know. I found them helpful to me, and gave me an overnight transformation as well as a wakeup call. About ending your life--Read Jeremiah 10:23.

http://youtu.be/-BE_qq3CvFc

http://youtu.be/ZqfU3OFNZA0

http://youtu.be/igCj3jsbcqs

http://youtu.be/0KQ9xG3yWfw

Comment by Saskia Dillen on October 19, 2012 at 3:26pm: "You have rescued me from death.

You have kept my feet from stumbling

so that I could walk in your presence, in the light of life."

[Psalm 56:13]

I've been having a few bad days, and I know that if I look for God's Word, I will find the comfort I need. Things get hard sometimes. I've been there - when you're in a dark place and can't find a way out. It's tough, and it hurts. But like Selina said, you are His solider, and He is always with you. Hang in there. He will never let you down.

All the best x

Comment by Selena Reuter on October 17, 2012 at 8:51pm: God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soilders<3 I've been in that same place so many times. If you ever need to talk I'm here for ya girl! Hang in there, because everythings going to end up all right. And if it's not all right, then you haven't got to the end yet! Prayers headed your way!