What to do?

Hey girls! :) I've never used any blogs/forums like this before so this is all a little different for me.

Anyway, I need some good, solid advice if I may? :) Yep, about a boy, haha.

We met in a class at university and have known each other for about 3 years and 7 months now.
I've liked him on and off the past 3 years, sometimes believing I was completely over him, and at other times feeling so overwhelmed with it. We are good friends and have said that we will always be. I cannot be sure that he knows or if he's felt the same, but I'm pretty sure he should have some clue after this long. He's never done anything overtly to show he knows or is interested. I must admit if anyone's been more "overt" about things it's been me, which is slightly embarrassing. We've told each other that we love one another, but I suppose people always interpret things how they want to, so we've both just taken it as "friend love" I guess, coz we do really value our friendship and would hate to lose each other.

The problem though is that he's not a Christian, and not close to becoming one either. He's been through an awful lot and in a way I guess I am drawn to need. I love to look after people and to feel needed.

Anyway, as you can imagine, after 3 years this has become quite a lot to carry inside my head. I don't want to be with him as he's not a Christian, and there are a few other reasons we would not work well as a couple anyway, but still, I really like him. It is selfish of me, I know, I would just like to get this all off my chest so that maybe I can move past it. However I don't want to dump problems on him just to sort myself out. Do you think I should tell him at the end of the university year (November 16th-ish) when we are both free? Or do you think I should just continue to either live with it or try get over it with God's help still?

Thanks so much gals :) I appreciate any help at all!
Em, xox

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Comment by alexis meier on October 2, 2012 at 8:23pm: do what u feel god wants you do

Comment by emily.thyberg on September 30, 2012 at 11:19pm: Thank you so much everyone! :) I really appreciate it. It's just good to have confirmation of what I kinda knew all along. I'm really gonna go after God and make sure I'm putting HIm first.

Love to you all :) xox

Comment by Hannah Brahim on September 30, 2012 at 8:14pm: Just remember God is always there for you to get through it, and if theres anyone you can trust ITS HIM!

Comment by Lisi on September 30, 2012 at 3:13pm: Pray to God about it and see what doors He opends for you. Don't push things with God--NEVER works out in the ends, ha I would know. If you think you should tell your friend how you feel then go for it, and trust God with your friendship and how it goes from there. Honesty IS a good thing. he timing, however, is the hard part. Just being friends can be a greater benefit than dealing with the stress of the whole bf/gf thing, especially if he isn't Christian and doesn't seem likely to happen soon.

Comment by Micah Mingo on September 30, 2012 at 1:39pm: I wouldn't tell him. Because then if it turns out that he does like you back, then you'll want to go out with him, but you shoulnd't because he's not a Christian. And those kinds of relationships never work out. to

Whenever I am just getting to know a boy who I think I might like, I try not to be too "forward" or do anything to lead him on until I find an opportunity to casually ask if he is a Christian (and then even after that, I try to figure out how devout he is. You have to be careful in doing this, though, otherwise it can get embarassing). Before I can get to that point, though, I try to keep a lid on my feelings (and even after!) Using this method, I kept myself from falling in love with a guy who turned out to be Muslim...:/ And then our friendship faded and it wasn't even a big deal. Everyone has to find what works for them, but for me, this approach to romantic relationships usually produces the least confusion/hurt/temptation.

Comment by Kathleen Adams on September 30, 2012 at 4:27am: A guy should be the one to ask you any way. Don't go showing it, if he likes you enough he will ask around about you (so it's great to have a good reputation) and than he will make his move. :) If a guy can't do this he isn't into you enough or he isn't mature enough.

Comment by Kathleen Adams on September 30, 2012 at 4:22am: Don't tell him. Either way you are getting yourself into trouble. If he likes you than you will have to either break his heart or be stuck with someone you can never truly connect with properly as he is not a Christian. If he doesn't like you your friendship might not survive it or you'll be up for a great deal of embarrassment.

Your sister in Christ,

Kathleen

Comment by emily.thyberg on September 29, 2012 at 10:42pm: Thank you so much Vanner! :) That's really good confirmation of what I thought. Much appreciated. Hope your group study goes well! :) x

Comment by Vanner on September 29, 2012 at 7:27pm: Hey Girl. I am in this girl bible study on Fridays and this happens to be our topic this next few weeks. Now I have been in your say predicament (spell?) although I am younger than you in high school I have still gone through it. As a girl (AND HUGE ROMANTIC) I would advise you to just tell him and see what happens. But...As a Christian I say don't tell him. Last night a girl asked what if you like a boy that isn't a Christian. You ARE NOT supposed to date anyone unequally yoked. Therefore you are not supposed to date him. Which honestly sucks. It won't work to go out with him and hope you can change him. That won't work either. As much as it will pain you and pains my romantic heart to say this....Don't tell him. Because then he may like you! Sounds perfect right? NO! Then you will get all jumbled up and want to go out with him and that can't work. Just continue to do as you are. And most importantly...PRAY! Pray for that future man you are supposed to be with. If it be this guy pray that God softens his heart to change. It can happen. I know first hand. My drug addict, alcholic uncle, who swore he would never step foot in a church and after getting his heart torn after some girl would never get married is now married over a year and a baby due any day. Not just that. His wife has a duaghter who's dad is in jail. See God used my uncle, the worst, and softened his heart and changed. Now he has been a great father and husband. As a christian you can ask for anything. Pray for him. Don't stop. He may not be the 'one'. But still pray. I hope some of this has made any sense and that I didn't sound to mean or too blunt. Many prayers sent up!

Comment by emily.thyberg on September 29, 2012 at 6:09pm: Hey Jamie, thanks for your comment! :)

I have talked to him about it a bit and he came to church with me once. I invited him back later but he was not keen because he said he felt like a fake. I've invited him to a couple other low-key, friendly church-related things since then but he's always been too busy, but really I know he wouldn't want to come even if he was free. He respects me and my beliefs a lot so would never try anything funny with me even if he did like me because he knows I want to put God first and so I don't want to go out with guys who don't love God. I don't want to force anything on him of course, since it's God who draws people to salvation not me.

Good point, I think you're right. I just wonder what point there would be in telling & asking him all this when I don't want to take it anywhere anyway.. It would only be to sort my head out & try get past the slight weirdness in the friendship (but maybe it's only me, not him, who perceives the weirdness).

Thanks heaps again & sorry for the long essay, lol :) x