Three short weeks ago, I reached a milestone in many kids' lives. I left home and moved into a college apartment. Not only was I 2 and 1/2 hours away from the church that I grew up in, but I was away from my support group. I left my family, friends, and community behind. I no longer had my comfort zone.
Before I left for college, I researched potential churches that I could become involved in. I wasn't about to drive 2 and 1/2 hours to church every sunday. So, I found a Lutheran Church Missouri Synod that had sermon and bible study hours that would fit with my now busy college schedule.
So then came my first sunday at college. I woke up in time to get ready but found myself with cold feet. I immediately text my mother for support. I told her that I was scared because I didn't know anyone at the church or really in the community. I haven't met anyone that would be willing to go to church with me. I didn't think that I could handle it. She reassured me, telling me that it would be okay to miss church today and she would drive next weekend to go to church with me. This is the amazing support group that I had to leave behind.
Friends Versus Churh
I have one friend that is attending the same college as me. She doesn't go to church nor does her family. My roomate says she believes in God but believes that you do not need to attend church to be a believer. Everyone else I know would be hungover or sleeping. Do not get me wrong. Those that I have met in college and have surrounded myself with aren't necessarily bad people, they are just very far from God. They are good to me and fun to be around. But they would not be the type of people that would go to church by choice.
Boredom Versus Sin
I have class Monday through Thursday each day ending at 1:30 pm specifically so we can get jobs. After a lengthy and disappointing job search I am still a jobless, moneyless, homesick college student. I have finished both of my devotionals and find myself wanting some Religious readings but I do not have the money to buy a new devotional nor does my mother. So I spend my time with my friend from home. We waste away the boredom by watching movies, exploring Des Moines, and trying to meet new people. The entire time we constantly say, "I'm bored." Have you ever heard the common saying "idle hands are the devil's workshop"? I can see now what this saying really means. I don't have much to keep me busy. I hang out with friends who cuss and enourage bad behavior, are very sexually active, and never bring up any word or subject of God.
I find myself with a Sailor's mouth as well and I feel guilty everytime I run it. I am not blaming my friends because it started years ago. I have tried so hard to quit. I pray to God every night to help to realize the moments that I use bad language and stop myself. That is the problem: I have become so accustomed to using bad language that I don't even know when I am using it anymore.
Me Versus Society and Sex
I find myself being surrounded by sexual activity, constant talk about sexual activity, media containing sexual activities, and constant presentations by Planned Parenthood passing out condoms. Sex has become so "normal" and "unpersonal". I am pure and I plan to be until I get married. If you go to a party (even if you don't drink), you are bombarded by boys who think that you are "easy." Then they get mad when you turn them down. You can't even find many clothes that cover more than your cleavage anymore. "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people committ are outside their body, but those that sin sexually sin against their own bodies." (1 Corin. 6 18-19).
Me Versus my faith
Lately I have just felt like I am failing God. I haven't gone to church, opened the Bible, and haven't prayed like I should. I cuss. I joke about unGodly things. I want so bad to find some friends who can discuss and share the Bible with me. I want to feel like a good person again. I feel like I am standing in a desert asking for rain when I try to involve my friends in my religion and church.
God, I am sorry that I have not prayed to you every day and that I have not shown you my complete loyalty. I ask that you please forgive me, renew me, and lead me throughout my days so that I may become the person that you want me to be. I ask that you be there for the other girls that are having similar problems as me that you will help keep them strong in their everyday decisions. Finally I ask that you help me in finding a support group that will help me become stronger in my Faith. Amen.
The message that I am trying to get across to whoever reads this is that college is going to cause many speedbumps and potholes in your own road of faith. But you just have to keep trying your hardest and praying to God that you will be strong enough to overcome society's negative influences. Please pray for me as I am in a very rough part of the road of faith. Thank you.