Hi guys! I haven't posted a note in quite some time, I know... Truth is, I've been busy and I've allowed that to affect my time with God, listening for what He wants me to do.
Today, though, I want to share with you one of the revelations I had in church last night (29 May). The service was purely based on praise and worship and prayers in between, there was no sermon, which (at first) I found odd, but God worked in my heart and moved so strongly in the church building last night that it is nearly unbelievable!
To give you guys some background info about my walk as a Christian before delving into what happened last night and what it meant to me and made me realise, is quite important.
Over the past year I've been the closest to Christ than I've ever been before. It is in this past year that I realised His calling for me to write His messages and share them with as many people as possible, and in this time I have learned so much, that I look back at previous years and laugh at how clueless I was. I thank God for the trials He set before me that taught me what I know now.
In this time, I have been around prophets and great men and women of Christ. All around me I saw how these people would prophesy over someone close to me, or work a miracle in their lives. In the beginning it made me glad, but as time went by, I started resenting the receivers of these great blessings. I felt invisible and unimportant; disposable.
I thought more and more about how these gifted people would always overlook me as if I didn't exist, and I came to a point where all I could think, was: "I've devoted my life to God and answered His calls. I've been giving people love and I have been trying my best not to be judgemental or impatient. I've been living by His standards. All these people around me are being blessed, and receiving healing and miracles, and even in my asking and faith, I have not received an answer to my prayers. I am calling out for help, but He isn't answering me. All I want is an answer, a sign, to be noticed."
These thought consumed me and translated into ugly emotions, even leading to depression at times.
At the beginning of this year, however, I decided to start anew and to change how I look at things. I decided that no matter what, I would not judge people and that I would love unconditionally. Being noticed - especially after joining the massive Hillsong Cape Town community - took a back seat, and I even forgot about it.
Yesterday, before church, I typed out a prayer request, and as I did, I thanked God that He would answer them. I emailed my request, and my excitement for the evening's service grew.
At church, the praise and worship filled me with God's presence, and in the 2 hours that we were there, He filled me with visions of things to come. The one that stood out most clearly, was the vision of my 2 prayers being answered simultaneously, and I thank Him that this vision will come true - and deep down, I believe that it will all come together before the end of this year (although, if it isn't, then I know that His timing will be absolutely perfect).
About a quarter of the way through the service, one of the admin staff / pastors came up and interrupted our praising. He said that while he'd been singing with us, he'd asked God what and who he should pray for. God showed him that he was to pray for people in the community suffering from anxiety and insomnia (and for those who don't know, I've been diagnosed with both these problems). Right there and then I was overcome with tears, and God spoke to me and said, "I have always seen you and cared for you." We prayed as a community and for the rest of the service I was completely overwhelmed by what had happened - for the first time ever, I was included in something! And although I've managed, with the help of my best friend and my boyfriend to reduce my anxiety and even take control of it (and that's also thanks to God - He put these amazing people in my life for a reason!), the insomnia and restless sleep kept bothering me and draining me of all energy and excitement for life (I was even using sleeping pills at least once a week).
Now, apart from being "noticed" last night, I realised that God had only done that last night because before, I was selfish. The Bible says that we should give freely and not expect anything in return. We should not do good and righteous things with the intentions and hopes of benefiting ourselves - and that is exactly what I was doing! I had been comparing what I'd done for God and His kingdom, to what He had done for me in response to my prayers. I never thanked Him for the things He'd done without me needing to ask, and I never thanked Him that He would answer my prayers in His time.
I don't know how or where I changed the way I looked at asking God for things and thanking Him (honestly, He must have put something in my mind to make me do it!). This year, I found myself praying for certain things, and in the request, I'd always thank God, because I knew (and know) that He will answer those prayers. At first I was even surprised with myself for that last part - like I said, thanking God at the end of a request was never a choice I made consciously, He really must have spoken to my heart.
Since my prayers changed to thanking Him, sometimes even as though it has already come to pass, I have received so many visions from Him, and He has spoken to me in times when I was involved with the situation that I'd prayed about, and He'd show me or tell me that He would be changing it all - sooner than I expect!
So, what I want all of you to know, is that God does notice you! And he very definitely loves you! But often our prayers aren't answered because we forget to give the situation to Him fully - we don't thank Him because we doubt and because we know that thanking Him before He's answered our prayers, means that we've given Him the situation (and we so badly want to have control over these things in our lives). If anyone else out there is feeling the way I did, I encourage you now more than ever, to start thanking God for the answers that He will send your way! And I encourage every single one of you, to give freely and not to expect blessings in return! In due season we will reap the rewards of our free giving. But put that out of your mind, because the less you concern yourself with what you'll get out of it, the more you'll see miracles happening and (this may sound crazy), you will find so much joy in giving freely, loving unconditionally and not judging those around you. I'm not saying that we should not ask for something, or that we shouldn't have hope for prosperity (because He wants us all to prosper!), all I am saying is that your actions should not be driven / motivated by our personal gain, but should be driven / motivated by the joy of giving and seeing someone else's life being changed because of the love He gives us to share with everyone we meet!
You have the power in Him, to change a life, to save a life. You could provide the answer to someone's prayer... It could be as simple as putting a smile on their face, to being a shoulder they can cry on, or be the one true friend that accepts them, with their past, and loves them all the same. The greatest blessing we have, is that we have been given the power in Christ to bless others!
I love you all, and so does our Heavenly Father!