Needing strength and guidance

 Before I tell you what brought me to write this I need to tell you my story. My story begins freshman year. I started dating my first boyfriend ever, he was two yearsolder than me and we instantly clicked. I loved him very muchand still do. We dated for almost a year and a half.

One of our major problems was He was joining the Navy. As a matter of fact I had to say goodbye to him today. Anyway this summer started and his departure was rapidly approaching. I felt prepared for what I thought was coming, little did I realize what I actually had to do. This July I went to a hugeconvention in Denver, Colorade called International Youth Convention. One of the worship leaders (Matt Papa) had songs that really spoke to me. I felt I was on an emotional and spiritual high after one of our services one night. I felt intune with God and light as a feather, until I felt God tell me the thing I dreaded most...I had to break up with my boyfriend.

At first I brushed aside thinking "Oh that doesnt make sense. Why would God have me do that?" I tried to ignore it that night and the whole next day; however I slowly started to realize it was eating away at me unitl I completely broke down that night right before service. I criedfor about a good hour and a half. i cried because the thought of tearing my boyfriend apart like that made my heart hurt and me feel sick to my stomach. He's had a lot of tragedy in his life. His dad has a disease that is slowly killing him and my boyfriend himself struggles with depression, so to even consider breaking up with him and hurting him like that tore me apart. I knew it would destroy him because (I know this soumds conceited) but I was everything to him. He had to write a poem for school. His poem was amazing and powerful, but it was him venting about his life and how screwed up it was. The only good part of the poem was me. He called me his drive and his life. So you see why I worried about doing this. I knew God would take care of him if it was his plan but I was terrified. I talked it out with one of my best friends and my aunt untilI finally came to terms with the idea.

The day I got back i broke up with my boyfriend. Both of us cried for an hour in one of our favorite parks. He said he understoodand that it was something we could work through together, so we tried. I was okay with letting him go off and on for the onth he was home before bootcamp. Some days I was okay with how thing were going and knew we wouldget through it. Other days I wanted him backso bad I hurt. Today we finally said goodbye and for a while I was ok. But then, as I was getting ready for bed I realized how alone I felt. I fely like I had been left completely alone and with my whole world  falling apart. I cried for twohours at the idea of having no one. But then I realized something.

I think I began to realize why Godmade this happen. I had begun to love my boyfriend more than Godand so God basically told me to fix it. So now I'm coming to terms withlosingmy best friend and figuring out how to give EVERYTHING to God. And this is whee I need my fellow Christians help. Please pray for me and my situation and if you have any comments or advice please comment. I know this was  lot so thank you for reading :)