I'll be honest. I've messed up some pretty substantial stuff in my life. Ok, really, really big stuff. Stuff that I said I would never mess up. But I did mess it up. And it, to this day, breaks my heart.
I'm still trying to let go of the mistakes I've made. I know I have been forgiven, but sometimes it'd be really nice to know exactly how far it is between east and west. And a lot of times, those mistakes, that guilt will come back to haunt me. It'll come back to torment me and remind me of my failures, of what I've done wrong.
And I'll admite, I'm not the most brilliant theologian in the world. I don't have the right verse for everything I feel. (We're working on that!) I don't know all the answers about God. And so a lot of the time, when the guilt and bad feelings come, I have nooo idea what the answer is. What am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know if I'm the person to be giving anyone advice. I know I'm not the one to be saying, "Ok, you feel this way? Here's what you do." I'm not the one to come for that stuff. So sorry if you're expecting that! :) I'm not the one to ask.
But from a black sheep, here are the words I cling to. Everytime I feel lonely, guilty, unsure, broken, or haunted, I keep running back to this simple chorus, written by an awesome guy named Mark Hall.
Jesus hold me now, I need to feel you in this place
To know you're by my side, and hear your voice tonight
Jesus hold me now, I long for your embrace
I'm beat and broken down, I can't find my way out
Jesus hold me now