If i can you can too!

Im scared of what i’ve been feeling lately, because maybe just maybe i might have let my guard down. But this time it feels so real and so good! I haven’t been on a relationship for 3 years now. It took me all that time to heal all the deep wounds he created within a year and thinking about it now, i don’t know how i really pulled through. It wasn’t just an emotionally wound, but mentally and phisically. To the point where i was so afraid of speaking about what i was going through because i was ashamed of the person he had made me become. Weak and afraid, although i knew all the pain he was causing me i couldn’t let him go because i felt weak with out him and i was afraid to leave him and not feel loved again (thinking about it now that wasn’t love)“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.. and that is obviously something i didn’t find with him, i had to deal with being cheated on and feeling worthless because he would say so, because i wasn’t good enough and i couldn’t get him mad because it would just end up being my fault. Every fight every argument was my fault because i was so stupid and a horrible girlfriend. And so it happened i lived a year believeing all his hurtful words, words that were eating me alive and i just wanted to scream it to the world but found myself alone, i couldn’t really trust anyone with this type of stuff, i was ashamed of even telling the closest people to me. When i finally had the courage of letting him go i found myself depressed, my self-esteem was so low because i had believed every little single thing he had ever said to me, i felt ugly, worthless, stupid. I felt i deserved to be alone and i would never find love again because i was not worthy of it, because if i had failed in that relationship i would fail in every other one. So i started pushing everyone away, every guy that ever wanted to be with me, i pushed them away, i became bitter and angry with love with myself. Till one day i found the most purest, loyal, honest and unconditional love ever, God. I realized how all along i was never alone, that even when he is silent he is still there, and he was there all along holding me tight because he got me through it, because if it wouldn’t of been because of him i would have lost myself in all his lies. Through him i was able to forgive her, forgive myself, and forgive love. I was able to heal every single wound, i was never able to speak about what had happened with him, i was neevr honest about what had really happened but i am no longer ashamed of what i went through, and i am not ashamed to say that God was the one that helped me through my healing process. It might had not happened right when i wanted to get healed but it happened with a progress. I had to go through certain situations, certain stages to be greatful for what i had. And i can finally say that i no longer hold any grudge against him, i can finally say that my heart can love again, that there is no wound in there any longer. Every empty space has been fulfilled and i no longer believe i am worthless or stupid because i am loved and because i am important! That is why if any girl out there has ever felt like that or is going through a situation like this get out of it, don’t hurt yourself, love and embrace yourself because if you don’t then who will ? Nothin is impossible and i i could get through it anyone can. After 3 years i can finally feel those butterflies blooming in again, i can feel how my heart beat raises everytime i think of love, but this time i will wait on God that if this love is meant to be it will happen at its own timing, but i just love the feeling of falling in love all over again, but this time it feels like a true honest love<3